For a long time there was a group called Save Albert Park, arguing against the Melbourne Grand Prix. On the suburb’s street corners, bearded men (and women) sat on folding chairs distributing photocopied pamphlets and yellow ribbons. But here’s the thing: Albert Park is not all that. It’s dreary and windswept.
The group could benefit from rebranding. One option I consider especially sonorous is: F1ck the Grand Prix.
Five reasons we should say ‘F1ck it’:
1. It’s tedious. Watching cars go past is the surreal F1cking height of monotony. Paying to do so evidences a genealogy rich in inbreeding.
2. The noise. St Kilda Primary school students have to take a whole F1cking week off. I weep for their illiterate futures.
3. Public subsidies. Sources reveal an annual subsidy of over $50 million, a special public subsidy of $1.5 million, and a Parks Victoria fee waiver of $5 million. That’s our F1cking money. Meanwhile the stands look empty.
4. A list of locations that used to hold Grands Prix includes London, Barcelona and Rio de Janeiro. The list of cities that currently host them includes Mogyorod (Hungary), Montmelo (Spain) and Sakhir (Bahrain). i.e. BumbleF1ck nowhere.
5. Yobbos. Look at these F1ckwits.
And it’s not just the fans who bogan it up: Lewis Hamilton got his car impounded for a bit of trick driving outside the track. (If you really want to appreciate the yobbo sub-species, read the comments under the article in that link.)
So, if they want it, I’ll let our friends at Save Albert Park have this advice, free of charge. Good F1cking luck.